Write a song right here #2

[teek]

Wow , i only just happend to check , "view posts since last visit " because i was bored ,

nice work Dobro .

[dobro]

Don't know if you're talking about the bass part or the lyrics, but thanks. I wasn't sure how you felt about me getting involved in the lyrics, but I played the tune enough times last night when I was working out the bass part that I got deep enough into it for ideas to start coming. I really like his voice and melody and delivery for this. Inspiring. Hope you don't mind.

[teek]

All is good Paul.

[jwstallings]

You guys keep working on the words while I get the music dome all the way through then we will put the final words down.

[dobro]

Okay, that's great. Teek, last night I had a thought about the lyrics. Right now, the song's about a guy that's hurting and wanting some time to heal. But I'd love to put maybe *just one line* in there that refers to or hints at what the problem is between them. So, what's the problem? Another guy? Another woman? (I don't think so, but maybe...) Money? Seven year itch? Hurtful hurtful words on too many argument occasions? See, I want to know why he wants down time instead of sticking in there. What got in the way?

[teek]

Wow , Paul , u r really into this one...

well .... a different "twist" would be cool , maybe the " girlfriend" instead of another man ..?

should i cut & paste .? what we have so far , ? so we can see where we might put that in ..?

[dobro]

Something I found recently when I was recording a vocal that just wasn't quite working was that if I developed a backstory for the lyrics, then I had a picture of the song's story while I was singing it and suddenly I nailed the vocal part. Seeing the image of the situation while I was singing helped me deliver the lines with the right feeling. Same here, I think. If I know what the situation is, it'll help me come up with that 'telling detail' I'd love to reference. The reason I thought it wouldn't be a girlfriend was because if that was the situation, he wouldn't need healing, he'd just need some open space to exploit the opportunity. If it's a third-party girlfriend, where's the hurt come into it?

[teek]

VERSE .1.

I've been hurt
Now I need to mend
The veil that's (been) clouding up my mind
Is certainly no friend

VERSE. 2.

Oh that last goodbye kiss
I could tell you how it feels
And everything you said to me
But it takes time to heal


VERSE. 3.
Maybe time away
Will help clear my head
Wake up to a new day
And forget what's been said


REFRAIN

It takes time to heal
When your not made of steel
It takes time to heal



which Chorus are we going with ?

Need to find an oasis
Silence the cell phone
To re-energize
To find my way home


or something else ..?


in verse.1. - are we going with- The veil that's (been) clouding up my mind
or shorten it to maybe ..... That veil that's been clouding my mind .

[dobro]

Dunno bout a chorus, cuz John's working out the guitar part based on the clip he posted yesterday, I think - just verses and refrain, I think. But if you bring a third element in, how about a forest and trees instead of an oasis? Trees are more country. Pines especially.

As for the 'veil' line, he can do anything you throw at him almost. He can either make it scan or tweak it to make it work. He knows what he's doing.

Country's usually 'somebody done somebody wrong'. I'm gonna work that angle for a while. Get back to you after a while.

[teek]

[teek]

how about ......?


I need to get lost among the tree's
Where no one can find me
I'm tired of yes and please
Just want ?????? for company


where the question marks are , i was thinking of adding "coons"

[teek]

OK ,next installment , i thought i would cut & paste , what we have so far , first though , hope i haven't missed anything .


VERSE .1.

I've been hurt
Now I need to mend
The veil that's (been) clouding up my mind
Is certainly no friend

VERSE. 2.

Oh that last goodbye kiss
I could tell you how it feels
And everything you said to me
But it takes time to heal


VERSE. 3.
Maybe time away
Will help clear my head
Wake up to a new day
And forget what's been said


REFRAIN

It takes time to heal
When your not made of steel
It takes time to heal






now how about ....

I need to get lost amongst the tree's
Where no one can find me
I'm tired of yes and please
Just want ?????? for company


where the question marks are , i was thinking of adding "coons" Razz


or........

The way you've been kissing
Has been sort of minimal
I think there's a message there
But i think it's subliminal

[dobro]

[dobro]

I've been continuing to work the pattern we've got. I've also got a bridge, but it's too late and I'm too tired to record it. Later.


I been hurt now I need to mend
This cloud up in my mind is certainly no friend

That last kiss I can still taste how it feels
And all the love itself
But it takes time to heal

Maybe time away
Will help me clear my head
Wake up to a new day


How many days and nights and if only what had beens
How many who's the fool with all the broken dreams

I can't believe it's happening but it's real
I want to be somebody else
No it takes time to heal

Maybe time away
Will help me clear my head
Wake up to a new day


Time I took you out and in the pines
Now that thought drives me right out of my mind

I'm asking how a thing that good could ever steal
Away happiness itself
Oh it takes time to heal

Maybe time away
Will help me clear my head
Wake up to a new day

[jwstallings]

I am not sure what the time difference is there, bu tit's 4:48 am here and I will be tracking this music all day, then we can see what fits and don't....should be a fun project. I like what I am seeing so far lets see how that fits and lets make sure it all makes sense.

[dobro]

Yeah, I'm basically thinking out loud here, posting stuff as it occurs to me. No filter, no time on the shelf. So try it out and see what fits and what you like. I'm on the west coast, so I can get back to it in 12 hours.

[jwstallings]

Well I have the timing worked out and were in the 3 min window. Have a listen to the rough work tape.

[teek]

John ,


You have a great delivery style ( as Paul said b4)

Just one question , ( if i can be cheeky ) are you singing with your HAT ON or OFF

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this is just a thought ,

Maybe time away
Will help heal the scars
Thinking bout you night and day
Just wastes away the hours



i know scars & hours do not Phonetically rhyme , but i think John can "blend them in "

[jwstallings]

Getting the music right is the hard part..Making the words fit will be a piece of cake.
Soon as I can get the music where we all wont it we will finish the words... Keep your thought wrote down so we can always go back to them...

[dobro]

[jwstallings]

I agree that less will be more. I am trying to keep it in the 3min, window and just three chords and the truth kind of style, The words could use tweaking for sure. What if we open with the chorus ,verse,chorus, bridge chorus out.....

[jwstallings]

Lets get rid of the Bojangles sound and keep this simple and pretty. New music in B so lay down some bass and get the words where you want them and I will do a full track. Thanks for working with me it's been fun.
John

[dobro]

The Bojangles thing is magic and works really well for the song, but you're singing it, so it's your call. Why'd you drop it to Bb? So you could do some higher up stuff later in the song, right?

[jwstallings]

Very good Dobro, you think it really lost all of its majic or just missing all those wonderful strings......

[dobro]

I liked the tempo of it, the way it moved, the simplicity of the arrangement, and most of all the way you sounded when you sang. Because it was in D, it was lower range for your voice, but that suited the sentiment of the song. In addition to the bass part, I almost did a brushes on snare part, but I thought 'nah don't mess it up'. I could also hear a fiddle part or pedal steel in there, but that was about it. Whatever else happens with this one, I want to spend some time getting some decent lyrics for the original version. That's the one that moved me.